http://qwikoov6bmdskhp5o32d2ju6nntwhpdhcrjnllajdryq5gvxfamgffqd.onion
Well, only HTTP and HTTPS, Tor, i2p, and XMPP has worked. The reason is dumb. I had to redo some portforwards and chose the preset "HTTP" (and "HTTPS") which I thought would work. I was lazy -- why would I specify port 80 (and 443) if there was no need to?